I recently created a video, The Smallest Units of Intimacy, describing “bids” as any attempt a partner makes to try to connect with their partner. It could be a bid for time, for connection, for support, for humor, and so on. How partners typically respond to bids is highly predictive stability and happiness in the relationship.
How do successful couples create consistent emotional closeness, enduring patterns of love and intimacy? We have learned a lot from the Gottman research about what works in happy relationships, and we know what reliably predicts distressed relationships.
My boyfriend and I rarely fight — and when we do, it seems to always come back to the same issue. I’m a more social person than he is. I like to go to occasional parties together and sometimes host friends at our place. He never wants to go to parties and and doesn’t like to host. We’ve spoken about it, but it continues to come up and be an issue, especially when I ask him to go to parties with me and he refuses. How do I keep this argument from resurfacing?
In this last of three articles on divorce predictors I cover Meta-emotion mismatch and Escalating Anger.
Gottman is well known for his divorce prediction research. In this 2nd of 3 articles I discuss an overlooked/misunderstood predictor: Accepting Influence
The Gottman Research has identified the high risk couples for divorce. There are three predictors that tend to get overlooked when reviewing the Gottman research. I review them in this series of three articles
It can happen in a moment. We are having a conversation and suddenly, or not so suddenly, bamm, our partner says something that lights up our internal fuse. It’s amazing how efficient our brains are in mobilizing a fight or flight response…
Conflict actually provides an opportunity for intimacy and closeness in a relationship. When each partner expresses what is important and what they need, then out of conflict comes a deeper knowledge and understanding of your partner, and an opportunity to turn toward the partner.
As the old joke goes, “I know I have been talking a lot about myself and all my accomplishments, there were quite a few, of course. But I really should stop talking about myself. So, what do you think about me?”
Many couples and therapists struggle with what to think about marijuana use. This article offers suggestions for couples to have a conversation.
Let’s imagine that on reflection you notice that your reactions tend to be defensive and that if you are honest with yourself blame is a familiar tactic. There are any number of reasons or combination of reasons that blame and accusation come easily.
